Self-Love Languages

By Mariah Manzano

Get to Know You Better this Valentine’s Day

Ah, Valentine’s Day. It’s that special time of the year when

1. we acknowledge that time moves faster every year (wasn’t New Years yesterday?).
2. we go back to the drawing board for a few New Years resolutions (just me? Okay).
3. we reminisce on the beautiful stillness of winter break (please take me back).

And lastly, it’s that time of the year when candy, stuffed animals, and flowers go out-of-stock amidst our efforts to show affection for one another.

Ah, humans. For some, prepping for Valentine’s Day (or Galentine’s Day — thank you, Leslie Knope) is a lot of effort, planning ahead, and gifting. Lots of gifting. For others, it’s just another day. And for a select few, it’s a day full of resentment — Love? Pfft. You know who you are.

No matter how you do (or do not) celebrate, though, I already know you’re forgetting something — time to show yourself some love. Am I wrong?

Feb 14th. You have 24 hours. Save at least one of those for yourself.

I’m a fan of love languages, but they’re often associated with loving others. Here are some ways to use love languages to show yourself some love this Valentine’s Day:

1. Words of Affirmation

Perhaps a hot take, but affirmations from others mean nothing if you don’t believe them yourself.

Self-affirmations can come in many forms.

• Look at yourself in the mirror and say “Today, I am…” followed by a list of as many adjectives you can think of to describe your favorite version of yourself.

• Grab a stack of post-its. Write down as many of your favorite inspirational quotes as you can think of and stick em where you are most — around the house, in the car, or wherever.
• Write down the three top things you’re committed to complete in a day. You should prioritize these not because others want you to do them, but because they’re impactful to bringing you one step closer to the person you want to be. Be specific about what, when, and how you’ll do it. Be realistic and confident in your abilities to meet these daily goals.

2. Physical Touch

I want to emphasize the importance of showing your body some love this Valentine’s Day. If you love physical touch (aka, you’re a hugger), then now is an understandably tough time for you.

Quarantined or not, it’s important to be in tune with your body’s aches and pains. The best way to check in with your body is with stretching and yoga.

There are countless yoga resources at the ready for you online. Yoga can be a bit of a commitment, though, and can be pretty challenging for beginners.

So here are some easy 4-minute stretch routines to do from your bed or desk. If you’re reading this, I bet you could try these NOW:

4-Minute Stretches From Bed

Just waking up or going to bed? Get these few stretches in to check in on your body and clear your mind. All of these stretches should be done laying down on your back.

1. Keeping one leg straight, pull the other toward your chest and grab your knee or shin to pull it in closer. Hold for 30 seconds, switch legs, and do the same.
2. Pull in your left knee again. Using your right arm, pull your left knee toward the right side of your body and look to the left. Your left arm should be straight out; you should be staring at your left fingertips. Hold for 30 seconds, switch sides, and do the same.
3. Happy baby! Laying flat on your back, grab the bottoms of both feet and rock side-to-side. If you can’t quite reach your feet, go for those knees and do the same. Rock for 30 seconds.
4. Put your legs straight. Bend your left knee so your left foot is flat on the bed. Place your right foot on your left knee. Grab your left hamstring and pull your left knee toward your chest. Hold for 30 seconds, switch sides, and do the same.
5. Last one. Stretch yourself as long as you can. Arms pointed at the head of the bed and legs toward the feet. Lay here and stretch it out for 30 seconds.

4-Minute Stretches From Your Desk

Standing or sitting, if you’re at a desk, you need a good stretch. This one’s good to do at least twice a day throughout the workday.

• Slow neck rotations in one direction. Be mindful of any tension. Bring it around town for 30 seconds, switch directions, and repeat.
• Tilt your head to the right. Then to the left. Hold each side for 5 seconds. Continue for 30 seconds.
• Tilt your head down. Then all the way up (look toward the ceiling). Hold each tilt for for 5 seconds. Continue for 30 seconds.
• Look side-to-side. Straight to the left. Straight to the right. Hold each side for 5 seconds. Continue for 30 seconds.
• Look side-to-side and slightly down. This targets the back of your neck. Down and to the left. Come back to a neutral position. Then down and to the right. Hold each side for 5 seconds. Continue for 30 seconds.
• Let’s get those shoulders next. Create circles with your shoulders in either a forward or backward direction. Continue for 30 seconds, switch directions, and repeat.

3. Acts of Service

For me, this is finally putting away my laundry. But it’s different for everyone.

Consider — what’s that one thing you keep putting off? What’s something you’d love for someone else to do but know it’s your responsibility?

This usually comes in the form of cleansing something from your life — messy closet, cluttered floors, dirty bathroom, toxic people. Whatever it is, do yourself the service of cleansing your life of the things holding you back from prospering or feeling your best.

4. Gift Giving

I love a good gift from me to me. The ultimate best gift? Extra sleep.

But this can come in many forms. What’s something that always puts a smile on your face? A cold brew from your favorite coffee shop? Freshly-cut flowers from the farmers market? Opening up that new book? Blocking out a chunk of time titled “Me Time” in your calendar to do absolutely nothing?

Whatever it is, gift yourself something meaningful.

5. Quality Time

I saved the best for last. Ever wonder why your deepest thoughts happen in the shower, while meditating, or whenever you “zone out”? It’s because our creativity and self-awareness thrive on an empty mind. When you have no distractions, you have nothing but your thoughts.

Value that time more than any conversation or coffee chat with another person. Your self-awareness of what’s happening in your life, goals, or how interactions or words make you feel are so critical to shaping who you are and your ability to grow from life’s experiences.

Chances are, quality time does not include scrolling on social media. Go back to your roots or dive deep. What did you love doing as a kid? What’s a new hobby or ritual you want to make part of your life? Spend some quality time with yourself by scheduling those into your day.

And even better, make a chunk of your daily routine dedicated to quality time with yourself.

Those of you who spread yourselves thin (I know of your kind all too well) are probably horrified by the thought. But hear me out. The rest of the world takes up much of your 24-hour day. But you are the only person responsible for quality time with yourself. To check in. To be honest. To change. To grow.

Take 30–60 minutes back from giving to the rest of the world and redirect it to progress toward developing a deeper relationship with yourself.

An overall theme: be kind to yourself this Valentine’s Day. And the day after. And every day following.

A quote I heard recently and loved — “if you’re alive, you’re perfect.” In the chase to always be better, take some time this Valentine’s Day to love you as you are right now. You’re wiser than you’ve ever been. You’re the most you version of yourself you’ve ever been. You’ve made it through every tough moment. You are you and you are enough.